The miracle of life.... it's just a cliche, right? Or it's the title of a movie I watched in tenth grade. I don't know. Life is all around us, life and death happen on an astounding scale every day, nothing too miraculous about it.
But now I'm pregnant. Seriously? Me? Lots of women get pregnant every day. But this is .... me. Like, did I do that? Did we do that? There's... this little miracle inside me now. I can't see it, or feel it, and I only have this little stick with two lines on it in my hand. The one I keep checking every day to make sure the two lines are still there and it's still real.
I never expected the instant, soulful connection I would feel with this tiny being inside me that isn't even the size of a bean yet, that I haven't even seen on the ultrasound yet, and yet... I feel love, greater than I have ever felt, and awe. I know there is something larger at work here, something that will take me the rest of my life to understand. I now believe that this baby, and each of my subsequent babies, chose us as their parents for unimaginable reasons. They, and each new baby, are definitely miracles, and there is the presence of God in each of them and, well, in each of us.
When my first son was about five and my second son was about two years old, I was again brought to the realization that there is a lot going on here that is out of my hands. These little people were put here complete, whole, and with their own intentions and goals and wills. They seem to be teaching me that I am not forming these babies into people; that is not my job. They are not my children, but God's children. They are fiercely independent and know what treatment they deserve, they will not be pushed or shaped or forced into boxes created by me or society. They are here to say, "I am a child of God, I am pure positive light and I am here with a purpose." The first purpose being to educate their mother, I suppose. And I am paying attention. I am ever expanding to become the mother they need and deserve, and the person I am called to be. My third child has so much to teach me yet, and I am ready and willing. I thank God for each of them every day.
