family vacation

by sean
(fort collins, co, usa)

Have you ever wondered where your family goes when you disappear off to college. Let me tell you, they certainly don't sit around all day missing you. The day begins in the living room, with your little brothers, and sisters, roughhousing with the family dog. Mom walks in, and makes an announcement: Today we're going to the beach! Everyone cheers, and no one gives a passing thought to your absence. As little Johnie, Marie, Antoine, Jose, Christine, and Lupe pile into the car, the neighbors look on in wonder. They're wondering how tiny little Penelope could give birth to six identical twins, all in a span of four hours. It almost killed her, and she's missing a leg to prove it. She gets along just fine without, and unless you look under the leg of her toga, you would never know any better. Oh,and before I forget, little Johnie's pet crab is along for the ride. Getting six kids, a dog, a crab, and a husband into her little Ford Pinto is no easy task for your mother, but she's a bullheaded woman, and after a scant three hours, they're all on the way to the beach. When they arrive, onlookers gawk as they pile out of their little clown car, and suddenly, Johnnie starts to scream. DADDY DADDY DADDY, you crushed Jesus Christ the crab, and now we don't have any dinner! Your father, who has plenty of crabs of his own, just laughs it off. "Jesus has come back from the dead before, and I'm sure he can do it again. C'mon let's play some frisbee." And so they did. And so they did. At least until the sun came out. Unfortunately, sunscreen doesn’t do much for albinos, and six albinos, caught in the sun, is certainly a sight to see. They all ran back to the family pinto, and somehow, what took your mother hours to do at the house, only took minutes this time around. On their way back to the house, they were rearended by a speeding semi. We all know what happens to Pintos, when someone hits the rear end. Goodbye Family. At least you made it out of that madhouse.

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